It’s a strange world.
This week I worked in theater. Not for the first, and probably not for the last time either. Since I was a child I’ve always danced and participated in numerous plays, but still somehow in my mind, theater had more to do with acting. It wasn’t until in art school, a friend who did performance said to me «oh but you know theater, you do theater», I said «no, I’m a terrible actress», she said «but I mean with the dance».
I was shocked. It is true. I know my way around a place where you hide behind a curtain, wait for other people to sit down, and then come out to show them something.
This week I worked in theater and while standing there in the backstage, the public waiting, and us attentive to the sign to come out, in my mind I contemplated what a strange world we live in. Looking at my partners all excited, I got to think about scales. Both time and size. On a human scale, we were artists, professional performers entertaining the audience with music and dance. An audience who paid for a ticket and was expecting to get back its worth. In what? That’s a big question. Maybe in emotion, surprise or perhaps, a discovery. Anyway, in a much larger scale, (time and size) we were nothing but kids amusing one another.
In theater, the backstage must be hidden. The door, closed. The conversations, muted. The little laughs, shushed. Everyone behaving for the sake of illusion. And that is because in-between that space and the stage there is a frontier, the one between reality and fiction. Behind the scene we were women in costumes, on stage we were forceful characters. But this might be a whole subject to explore and develop later on.
Theater has existed for so many years, it has survived the test of time for so long and taken so many different forms. On one hand, as a public we crave performance, maybe it comes from a need to identify to something, to find a mirror to better understand ourselves. On the other hand, as performers we crave expression, maybe from a need to be truly seen, or perhaps a way to escape.
So what is theater? What does it mean performing? I would say it is a battlefield. Whoever comes up that stage, will come back with either more or less power than before. It’s the battle against fear, against uncertainty and doubt. Against the public’s critique eye. A failed performance can destroy the actress, as much as a good one can encourage her (or him). It can leave the spectators completely stunned or tired or euphoric, even speechless.
There is a force between the defiant public and those characters, those bodies, that jump up stage. A force that will alter the show and make it be different every time it’s played. A force that, for better or worse, will not leave us unchanged. So theater is in fact, a confrontation.
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A soccer game, a concert, a conference hall, an interview, a meeting, a party, a date, a negotiation, a lecture, a red carpet, walking on the street, a bed, a park, high school, war, high school friends, marriage, divorce, funerals, graduations, a desk, a square, a yacht, a photoshoot, a car. Flat stages, round stages, big stages and huge ones. Private stages, public stages, virtual stages and tiny ones. Theater here, theater there. Theater everywhere.